Dinner After Divorce

May 25, 2009

When my friend Ricky got divorced some years ago, her husband moved out of the house but stayed in town. Their older child was off at school, but their eighth grader was still at home. Two or three nights a week the dad came over, and the three of them ate dinner together.

“The whole point of it was to have a place where my ex could comfortably be with our daughter,” Ricky remembers. But then she elaborates: “We said, at the beginning, we did it for the sake of our daughter. I think it was reassuring for all of us. We were all kind of shell shocked.” Although the ritual declined in frequency, it continued until their daughter also left for school.

As I hear this I am thinking – what a civilized divorce. What caring parents. And indeed, Ricky says that the two of them have continued to trust each other to look after their children’s interests. “For me, it’s a neutral territory, eating together,” Ricky says. “It’s the place that brings out the best in everybody.”

Even now, when those post-divorce dinners are history, the ex-spouses still occasionally share holiday meals with extended family. The divorce hasn’t severed the web of relationships. Or dimmed the comfort of sharing a meal.

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